Ah Parenthood

I was emailing my mother-in-law yesterday, bringing her up to date on the antics of my youngest, and I realized after reviewing what I wrote that others might find it a comfort to know they are not alone in the Terrible Twos.

Gideon, as many of you know, is our precocious caboose. Each of my children has had an area in which they excelled at a very early age. With Ginni, it was learning - she could recite boatloads of information when she was three. With Elly, it was obedience - she has always been the one to obey right away. CJ was the handyman - taking the half door of his room off its hinges when he was barely two feet tall, while Elly looked on in awe. Alyssa grasped reading at a very early age. Isaiah was a comedian from the time he could crawl. Phoebe has proven to have an incredible imagination since she could put two words together. And now we have Gideon.

Ah yes, Gideon. The child that God could have given me when I was 25 and fit and instead I have him when I am 45 and fat. He is the most incredible child! Before he was a year, he figured out how to climb over baby gates and climb out of his crib. Spankings were useless - he was going to do it anyway. At 18 months he was letting himself out of the house and running across the backyard. So we put on a different doorknob. That lasted less than 6 months. We put on a lock after that. He turned two in February. We put doorknob covers on the doorknobs...the kind you have to squeeze together at opposing sides in order to open the door. No problem for Gideon. He can now unsnap the things and simply remove them. He is lightning fast - capable of standing next to me one minute and being halfway to the dog yard the next. Obviously, he requires constant supervision.

Gideon is currently sporting a very contemporary neo-Picasso haircut because he found the clippers just minutes after I finished cutting his hair. I'm washing my hands at the kitchen sink when I hear "WHIRRRRRRRR" in the next room. Yep. Nice "W" carved just above his ear. I remove the clippers from his grasp. Next day, I go to check on him while he is napping. I notice my bed is covered in hair. I think, "Wow...how did that get here? Did I wipe up the stuff on the floor last night with a towel and drop it here by accident?" Hmm...not too far away are Curt's mustache clippers. Odd. Where did those come from? Well...after Gideon wakes up from his nap, I immediately see where the mustache clippers did their work and why there is hair on my bed. Gideon is sporting three new "stripes" of near-baldness...right through my fantastic haircut of the previous evening. Apparently carving the "W" was not sufficient. He had to come back for seconds. I refused to make it all the same length because he would have been almost completely bald.

He has figured out he can stand on his potty chair and turn on the water faucet in the bathroom and that he can turn on the water in the bathtub and have it running at the same time. This was discovered within two minutes of the haircutting discoveries. While I was sweeping up the hair he had just removed from his pate, the water began running in the bathroom.

He knows the toilet bowl brush is for scrubbing the toilet, and once he's done with that, it must be used for brushing his hair while walking through the living room. (I was turning off the water in the bathroom when he came through the living room with the toilet brush.)

I have to buy organic household cleaners because he can climb on anything and grabs whatever he can. Upon more than one occasion we have discovered him "cleaning" the sink, the bathroom, the toilet, his hair, the cat...basically whatever doesn't move away from him quickly enough.

He has figured out screwdrivers and tries to take things apart. After watching Daddy and CJ put his motorized car together for his birthday, instead of taking it for a spin, he immediately sought out the screwdriver and inserted it into the proper holes, trying to take it apart. He now knows how to remove the seat.

He learned about unscrewing the tops on things like the salt and pepper shakers and spices...oh yes I've been sweeping up all sorts of lovely stuff recently!

He discovered permanent markers work great on his skin, the couch cushions, and the front glass window. Lovely designs. Very chic.

He learned that dominoes fit quite snugly into the vent grates in the t.v. room. We've noticed a distinct drop in air circulation in that room since his discoveries.

He has learned that headphones, headbands, and sunglasses are quite easily snapped into two pieces.

Oh yes, this child is quite the entertainer.